I noticed in college that often the people who looked like they’d be interesting or different, with crazy hair, clothes, and tattoos etc. turned out to be vapid or conforming, whereas the people who wore 5 solid-colored shirts in rotation were the most unique. You probably just didn’t want to feel like you were wearing a costume/mask every day, and people projected onto you their own preoccupations. I’m so glad you didn’t internalize it and were ahead of the curve!
It used to be a commonly-held attitude that people with crazy hair and over-the-top outfits were trying too hard -- in essence, we knew that it was theatrical and disingenuous. Now, it seems to be the trendy thing to do.
Mar 11Liked by Salomé Sibonex, Joseph (Jake) Klein, Adam B. Coleman
“Blackness shouldn’t be defined by the group, but by the individual. You decide what being black means for yourself." I've always wondered what role Uncle Tom-ism played in black oppression. Is it possible that being told by other blacks to "act black" has hindered more black people, especially nowadays, than white racism? Thanks for a thoughtful and well-written essay.
That's a very thoughtful piece Adam, well written and articulated. True diversity is not forcing the square peg into the round hole, but just accepting the square peg as it is. Groups tend to do that to people, but I'm glad you resisted and became your own man. Other people's approval is nice but one should never sacrifice oneself to get it. Your main source of approval should be the man in the mirror. Well done.
BTW, I'm originally from upstate NY too. I was raised in Schenectady. Where in upstate did you live?
What you noted about ‘blackness’ I personally witnessed in a workplace. Having lived in Texas in my young adulthood, never had I witnessed such until returning to my Northeastern roots.
At work one day I heard a black co-worker explaining to another black co-worker exactly why Colin Powell was NOT a true BLACK MAN; his only rationale was his skin ‘ain’t black enough’. The most baffling takeaway item was that the TWO MEN AGREED.
You can greatly limit yourself when you conform to a popular stereotype to fit in. The ROTC students wore fatigues one day a week as part of their training / aclimitization. Certainly when I went to college, by the time the engineering students had graduated, they had largely adopted and adapted to standard engineering dress standards of the time. This was also largely true of the Business School students, who might not wear their jackets just as the engineering students weren't wearing their ties, but were otherwise in business dress.
I was a physics student and largely wore engineering dress complete with drafting pens - with one exception - jungle boots. They were cheap, highly durable, and didn't slip on wet floors the way most shoes did.
My daughter, who is now a structural engineer, complained about the insanity of women's clothing and purses when she was a teenager. I told her that she had two good alternatives - engineering standard dress or battle dress uniforms. She chose the engineering dress.
"You can greatly limit yourself when you conform to a popular stereotype to fit in." Exactly. Even down to something as simple as not trying other styles of dress or different cuisines because they aren't in line with what a collective identity prefers is limiting.
This is one of the most beautiful pieces I’ve ever read. I’m so long in commenting because I keep rereading and still find myself at a loss for words. If you ever put this in a book form, I would buy one for all of my grandchildren. I still have hope that we can one day see each other as the wonderfully made unique individuals that we all are.
I noticed in college that often the people who looked like they’d be interesting or different, with crazy hair, clothes, and tattoos etc. turned out to be vapid or conforming, whereas the people who wore 5 solid-colored shirts in rotation were the most unique. You probably just didn’t want to feel like you were wearing a costume/mask every day, and people projected onto you their own preoccupations. I’m so glad you didn’t internalize it and were ahead of the curve!
Great observation, that holds true for my high school and college experience too.
It used to be a commonly-held attitude that people with crazy hair and over-the-top outfits were trying too hard -- in essence, we knew that it was theatrical and disingenuous. Now, it seems to be the trendy thing to do.
“Blackness shouldn’t be defined by the group, but by the individual. You decide what being black means for yourself." I've always wondered what role Uncle Tom-ism played in black oppression. Is it possible that being told by other blacks to "act black" has hindered more black people, especially nowadays, than white racism? Thanks for a thoughtful and well-written essay.
So glad you enjoyed it! And yes, great question: it definitely doesn't help to have any racial collectivists policing your self-expression.
Wonderful!
Happy you enjoyed this one Zander! Thanks for reading ♥
Great piece! I hope it is seen by a great many young people.
Thank you!
That's a very thoughtful piece Adam, well written and articulated. True diversity is not forcing the square peg into the round hole, but just accepting the square peg as it is. Groups tend to do that to people, but I'm glad you resisted and became your own man. Other people's approval is nice but one should never sacrifice oneself to get it. Your main source of approval should be the man in the mirror. Well done.
BTW, I'm originally from upstate NY too. I was raised in Schenectady. Where in upstate did you live?
Not too far upstate (you know how it is...everything north of NYC is "upstate"). I lived in Orange County...Middletown/Scotchtown area.
Very well said!
What you noted about ‘blackness’ I personally witnessed in a workplace. Having lived in Texas in my young adulthood, never had I witnessed such until returning to my Northeastern roots.
At work one day I heard a black co-worker explaining to another black co-worker exactly why Colin Powell was NOT a true BLACK MAN; his only rationale was his skin ‘ain’t black enough’. The most baffling takeaway item was that the TWO MEN AGREED.
Doesn't surprise me
This is SUCH a good example of Adam's point in this essay!
Thank you for a very thoughtful and thought-provoking essay. Sincerely, Frederick.
My pleasure
You can greatly limit yourself when you conform to a popular stereotype to fit in. The ROTC students wore fatigues one day a week as part of their training / aclimitization. Certainly when I went to college, by the time the engineering students had graduated, they had largely adopted and adapted to standard engineering dress standards of the time. This was also largely true of the Business School students, who might not wear their jackets just as the engineering students weren't wearing their ties, but were otherwise in business dress.
I was a physics student and largely wore engineering dress complete with drafting pens - with one exception - jungle boots. They were cheap, highly durable, and didn't slip on wet floors the way most shoes did.
My daughter, who is now a structural engineer, complained about the insanity of women's clothing and purses when she was a teenager. I told her that she had two good alternatives - engineering standard dress or battle dress uniforms. She chose the engineering dress.
"You can greatly limit yourself when you conform to a popular stereotype to fit in." Exactly. Even down to something as simple as not trying other styles of dress or different cuisines because they aren't in line with what a collective identity prefers is limiting.
Good read - thank you.
And thank you for reading!
This is one of the most beautiful pieces I’ve ever read. I’m so long in commenting because I keep rereading and still find myself at a loss for words. If you ever put this in a book form, I would buy one for all of my grandchildren. I still have hope that we can one day see each other as the wonderfully made unique individuals that we all are.
Thank you so much Bonita, I'm SO glad to hear this essay moved you so deeply. I agree, Adam's story is incredible. And he does have a book out!! Be sure to check out his work at https://www.wrongspeakpublishing.com/ and his book, "Black Victim to Black Victor" (https://wrongspeak.net/black-victim-to-black-victor/).