As a gay woman, my right to marry wasn’t always guaranteed, and I don’t take it for granted. Yet young Americans are increasingly being encouraged to stay single.
Love this 🖤 I’ve been really bothered by the negative way people talk about marriage these days, particularly within the LGBT population where I’ve seen it frequently dismissed as some old-fashioned “heteronormative” tradition. It’s nice to see someone with a positive outlook on it
👏👏👏 A round of applause for this amazing and timely article, Reid! Divorce rates are up, fertility rates are down and young people are lonelier, more miserable and more mentally ill than ever. It is clear as day what the cause of this is: the overcorrection of the Baby Boomers of embracing divorce as a tool of liberation and Millennials and Gen Z spurning marriage, family and monogamy altogether in favor of polyamory and putting oneself first. This is a disaster that has led to the broken American family, a less connected and more lonely society and young people feeling adrift and lacking any real relationships. Marriage is about give and take. You work at it every day and grow as a human being. Your right, a successful marriage is all about perseverance and you get to build your own marriage and work together to create one that works for you and your partner, whatever that looks like. Bianca pushing your mom in the New York City Marathon shows that there really is someone out there for everyone who will love you and your family unconditionally. The Greatest Generation wasn’t called the Greatest Generation for nothing. They understood marriage takes commitment, patience and being willing to have open communication and being understanding with one another. No, you shouldn’t go to the extreme of staying in an unhappy or abusive marriage but nor should you avoid it altogether either as this misguided generation has. We here in western society need to find a happy middle ground. That being working hand in hand with the one you love to build a meaningful, healthy and happy marriage that brings out the best in you both. I’m glad you debunked that statistic that 50% of all marriages end in divorce! It’s complete garbage! We need to stop barraging people with negative messages on marriage in the media and social media and start portraying it in a more positive light and work to shift cultural norms. I’m glad you brought up the point that for many Americans marriage was a right they were denied and they had to fight long and hard to change that! For example, how about Harold and Mildred Loving, who were denied the right to legally be married due to being an interracial couple? They took their case all the way to the Supreme Court and in 1967, the court ruled in their favor striking down laws against interracial marriage throughout the country. The last law against interracial marriage to be overturned was in Alabama in 2000. Jim Obergefell also had the fight for the right to marry his dying partner as same-sex marriage too was illegal. In 2015, the Supreme Court ruled that gay marriage was legal in part due to the work that Mr. Obergefell and other brave LGBT activists did, so that their love could be recognized. Young people today I think forget those struggles or are unaware of that history. Given all the sacrifices so many made to make marriage rights for all a reality, we need to be grateful for it!
Makes my day reading this article. Commitment and sacrifice that is invested in someone other than yourself in todays society seems reserved for those who can step back from the constant barrage of individualistic messaging and recognize the value in a strong partnership. Your father is a SAINT!! You are fortunate to have such a positive influence in your life.
I'm so happy to know you enjoyed this essay Michael! It really is an uplifting story.
Funny though, how it seems something that was once obvious now needs explaining and defending! Such is the cycle of culture I guess. But just more of a reason it's important to publish a story like this and you taking the time to share some kind words about it makes all the difference!
If you don’t mind I’m going to steal this passage and give it to all of my young adult children: “Life is hard. Marriage should be a refuge from the struggles we face—not the struggle itself. We get to choose how we build our marriages. Like any other skill, marriage takes practice and a strong foundation. Being a good partner is something you work at every day. Learning to love being of service to your spouse, to problem solve, to cultivate intimacy when it becomes less natural—these skills can be honed with the right person at your side. When shit hits the fan, what will remain are your habits. If you’re in the habit of serving, loving, and giving grace to your spouse, when life gets hard, that muscle memory kicks in. So yes, marriage takes work. But the more you practice being a good partner, the easier it gets.”
This is 1000% true. No truer words. Congratulations to Bianca and your mother on their marathon finish! Best wishes to the both of you for a long and love-filled marriage.
"I’m going to steal this passage and give it to all of my young adult children" is the highest praise haha. I'm glad you enjoyed this one! Thank you for reading and supporting, it helps us spread this message as wide as we can 🙏
Love this 🖤 I’ve been really bothered by the negative way people talk about marriage these days, particularly within the LGBT population where I’ve seen it frequently dismissed as some old-fashioned “heteronormative” tradition. It’s nice to see someone with a positive outlook on it
I've seen this too and I'm glad you brought it up; it's such a cynical, unhelpful outlook!
👏👏👏 A round of applause for this amazing and timely article, Reid! Divorce rates are up, fertility rates are down and young people are lonelier, more miserable and more mentally ill than ever. It is clear as day what the cause of this is: the overcorrection of the Baby Boomers of embracing divorce as a tool of liberation and Millennials and Gen Z spurning marriage, family and monogamy altogether in favor of polyamory and putting oneself first. This is a disaster that has led to the broken American family, a less connected and more lonely society and young people feeling adrift and lacking any real relationships. Marriage is about give and take. You work at it every day and grow as a human being. Your right, a successful marriage is all about perseverance and you get to build your own marriage and work together to create one that works for you and your partner, whatever that looks like. Bianca pushing your mom in the New York City Marathon shows that there really is someone out there for everyone who will love you and your family unconditionally. The Greatest Generation wasn’t called the Greatest Generation for nothing. They understood marriage takes commitment, patience and being willing to have open communication and being understanding with one another. No, you shouldn’t go to the extreme of staying in an unhappy or abusive marriage but nor should you avoid it altogether either as this misguided generation has. We here in western society need to find a happy middle ground. That being working hand in hand with the one you love to build a meaningful, healthy and happy marriage that brings out the best in you both. I’m glad you debunked that statistic that 50% of all marriages end in divorce! It’s complete garbage! We need to stop barraging people with negative messages on marriage in the media and social media and start portraying it in a more positive light and work to shift cultural norms. I’m glad you brought up the point that for many Americans marriage was a right they were denied and they had to fight long and hard to change that! For example, how about Harold and Mildred Loving, who were denied the right to legally be married due to being an interracial couple? They took their case all the way to the Supreme Court and in 1967, the court ruled in their favor striking down laws against interracial marriage throughout the country. The last law against interracial marriage to be overturned was in Alabama in 2000. Jim Obergefell also had the fight for the right to marry his dying partner as same-sex marriage too was illegal. In 2015, the Supreme Court ruled that gay marriage was legal in part due to the work that Mr. Obergefell and other brave LGBT activists did, so that their love could be recognized. Young people today I think forget those struggles or are unaware of that history. Given all the sacrifices so many made to make marriage rights for all a reality, we need to be grateful for it!
Thank you so much for your kind words!
"People are meant to go through life two by two. 'Tain't natural to be lonesome."
Gay Thornton Wilder
Funny, I was thinking almost exactly the same thing the other day: how beautiful it is that we seem designed to experience life in partnership.
Makes my day reading this article. Commitment and sacrifice that is invested in someone other than yourself in todays society seems reserved for those who can step back from the constant barrage of individualistic messaging and recognize the value in a strong partnership. Your father is a SAINT!! You are fortunate to have such a positive influence in your life.
I'm so happy to know you enjoyed this essay Michael! It really is an uplifting story.
Funny though, how it seems something that was once obvious now needs explaining and defending! Such is the cycle of culture I guess. But just more of a reason it's important to publish a story like this and you taking the time to share some kind words about it makes all the difference!
If you don’t mind I’m going to steal this passage and give it to all of my young adult children: “Life is hard. Marriage should be a refuge from the struggles we face—not the struggle itself. We get to choose how we build our marriages. Like any other skill, marriage takes practice and a strong foundation. Being a good partner is something you work at every day. Learning to love being of service to your spouse, to problem solve, to cultivate intimacy when it becomes less natural—these skills can be honed with the right person at your side. When shit hits the fan, what will remain are your habits. If you’re in the habit of serving, loving, and giving grace to your spouse, when life gets hard, that muscle memory kicks in. So yes, marriage takes work. But the more you practice being a good partner, the easier it gets.”
This is 1000% true. No truer words. Congratulations to Bianca and your mother on their marathon finish! Best wishes to the both of you for a long and love-filled marriage.
I am just now seeing this comment! Thank you so much Esther I’m so glad my words resonated with you
"I’m going to steal this passage and give it to all of my young adult children" is the highest praise haha. I'm glad you enjoyed this one! Thank you for reading and supporting, it helps us spread this message as wide as we can 🙏